Let’s face it; if you’re looking for advice on marriage, you could spend DAYS researching on the internet without even scratching the surface of all the marriage advice that’s out there.
But the sad fact is, that’s what most people in your situation do…they RESEARCH…but never ACT on the concepts and ideas they learn about because they come up with “excuses” for why THEIR situation is DIFFERENT.
Well let me tell you….your situation is NOT different. And as EXTREME as MY marriage was…my “situation” was NOT different either…
So why am I qualified to give YOU advice on marriage? Because I managed to save my marriage…on my own…after 27 years of fighting, car chases and battles over her way vs. my way.
Our marriage was as bad as it gets.
You see, I married my COMPLETE OPPOSITE. In fact, you’d think we were from different planets if you compared our habits, values, priorities and temperaments… and that’s before you take into account our male/female differences….which brings me to one of the best pieces of advice on marriage that I can give you…
1. LEARN THE “5 LOVE LANGUAGES”
When I discovered this critical bit of advice on marriage, it really opened my eyes as to EXACTLY what made my wife happy. Often times we wish our spouse would treat us a certain way, but we never actually tell them what it is that we want them to do!
Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Live Languages, makes it easy for you to communicate what you need from your spouse to feel loved…and what they need from you!
When I found out what made my wife feel loved…I was SHOCKED!
She wanted “acts of service” of all things! I thought that since I liked “words of affirmation”…that she would too!
I hated doing “acts of service” (a.k.a. chores around the house, gardening and repairs) and that’s exactly why I wasn’t meeting her needs! I didn’t realize what I was doing wrong until I read this book.
…which reminds me…here’s another great piece of advice on marriage you need to keep in mind…
Many couples make the BIG mistake of treating their spouse the way they WISH their spouse would treat THEM!
In other words, smothering your spouse in hugs and kisses isn’t going to make him/her want to hug/kiss YOU more if what they actually need from YOU is “acts of service” like taking out the trash or cleaning the house!
Now I’ve never seen anyone talk about this last piece of advice on marriage, so pay close attention…
2. YOU CAN’T IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE IT FIRST
Many people search for the recipe for a happy marriage, in a quest for a simple LIST of things they can go do and then simply “check the items off of their list.”
But unfortunately, that’s not how REAL married life works. I could give you a long list of advice on marriage that would improve your relationship, but that list won’t do you any good. If you’re like most married couples, you won’t act on ANY advice on marriage… until you first feel like doing it FIRST.
Telling you to “go do something” to improve your marriage is NOT going to make a difference in your relationship when you resent your spouse and feel SO negative that you can’t even bring yourself to do it!
The key is actually FEELING LIKE doing something positive for your marriage…and THEN doing it.
Believe me; it’s MUCH easier to do something nice for your spouse when you’re feeling optimistic about your marriage…than it is to “force” yourself to be the first one to take a step towards a better marriage.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “How do I get to the point where I FEEL LIKE doing something to improve my marriage? I’m so frustrated with my spouse right now!”
Well, I’m glad you asked. I offer a FREE mini-course on “How to Overcome Your Negative feelings…the Moment they Appear.” If you’re at all interested, keep reading so you can get started on the mini-course right away…
Tags: advice on marriage
If you thought that a marriage could succeed on love alone, please rethink. Love is transitory. The mutual attraction or the infatuation that comes in the initial phase of love disappears soon. After that what is left is the feeling that he/she is mine and I am his/hers. We have to journey together.
How a marriage changes in character after love disappears? This can occur in many ways. For example, the couple may begin regretting the marriage after the finishing of initial love phase. Or the couple may continue together as a sense of duty with each other and begin making a life together without passionate love. That needs caring for each other.
If you look back and think of marriages few decades back, most of the couples cared for each other. They called it love. It was essentially caring. A mother cares for her children because they are her responsibility and they belong to her. Similarly, partners care for each other because they got married. This kind of thought process can take the marriage last forever. The different thought processes of I want my freedom. I made a mistake. I am not happy with you. I must search for somebody better and so on leads to break-up. This thought process is I centered, where as the earlier one I described was care centered. You are mine and I must care for you.
We have to learn to respect human beings. We have to set aside our selfish desires for some time. We have to think about destruction that takes place by frequent marriage and divorce. Developing the thought of care for each other can surely help in making a marriage last longer.
What do you do when the stresses of your marriage start to become a problem? Many couples get mad and argue at one another. This will not do anything except make the problem worse. As a result, here are some ways to deal with your stresses in your marriage.
Talk with your spouse on a daily basis. Communication with one another will prevent any misunderstandings on certain issues. When a problem does come up, discuss your feelings and view points to the other person. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.
Do not take anything for granted in your marriage. Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.
Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.
Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.
Seek the services of a marriage counselor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counselor nowadays.
Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage.
Tags: argument, marriage trouble, Stress
Jeff and Debbie are dating, and things are going very well. So well, in fact, that they are seriously discussing marriage.
There’s just one thing. Debbie does a lot of volunteering with troubled teenagers. Her apartment has become a “home away from home” for some of the girls, and she wants that to continue after she’s married, as well. While Jeff admires Debbie’s volunteer work and her dedication to the teenagers she helps, he values the privacy of a home, and doesn’t want his to turn into a halfway house.
Jeff is sure that, once they’re married, Debbie will see how beautiful it is when a couple saves their time at home for each other and guards their privacy, and will curtail her “open-house” policy. Debbie, for her part, is sure that once she and Jeff are married, he will see how beautiful it is when a couple gives up some of their privacy in order to help those who are not as fortunate, and will be more than happy to adopt an “open-house” policy for her teenage friends..
Jeff and Debbie get married.
Four months later, they’re in counseling.
Why?
Because they didn’t know the truth that could have saved them:
Never get married expecting your partner to change.
One of the major reasons people are unhappy after they get married is that they expect the person they are dating to change after marriage. Therefore, the most important question to ask yourself when you’re dating someone is: “Can I live with this person the way they are?” If the answer is no, then don’t get married. If there’s something that you don’t like about the person, something that you wish would change in the future, then you’d better ask yourself some serious questions because you’re setting yourself up for a potential mistake.
People have to be accepted the way they are. If there is something about your dating partner that you dislike or disagree with, and the issue is an important one, realize that whatever it is it’s here to stay. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’ll be able to change them after you get married. That’s the mistake that Jeff and Debbie made, and that’s the reason why, just four months after a beautiful wedding, they found themselves in a marriage counselor’s office.
Does that mean that you and your potential spouse must agree on absolutely everything? Of course not. But you do need to agree on the basics, on the important things that are going to make a difference in your life – things like values, lifestyle, religion, your ideas about home and family. If the person you’re dating really seems to be the one for you except for one issue, then you can try to reach a compromise that both of you can live with. But if you don’t, and you disagree on major issues like these, then you’re setting the stage for major conflicts, which are obviously not conducive to a loving marriage.
So remember the sentence that could save your life: Never get married expecting your partner to change.
Many marriages and dating relationships fail years before the loving couples meet. The exposure to a value system that promotes the acquisition of material possessions has a direct affect on our development as children. We learn early in life to take control of our material possessions.
This activity awakens our selfish nature and fortifies it as we mature. We learn to believe that we can do what we want with those possessions, my wife, my husband, my money, my toys, my bike, my car, my woman, my man, and mine, mine, mine! Unconsciously we believe these possessions are our slaves and should be at our beckon call or perform a particular function that we desire. At anytime, when our possessions do not conform to our desires or expectation, we become outraged. The reality is these are not our possessions, especially human beings.
We want our mates to take a subservient position to our desires. This is the beginning of the end of a healthy marriage or dating relationship. The core of the problems in marriages and dating relationships today is that we rely on traditions and false promises by others and institutions that manipulate our hopes and dreams for profits. We have been led to believe that institutions are held to a higher standard and do not fall into the same category as others who are motivated by selfish desires; but they are! There are in excess of 400,000 marriage counselors, workshops, and therapy sessions posted on the Internet.
Marriage counselors are professing to have the solution for a fee. Do you think they care about your marriage or dating relationship? The judicial branch of government is pointing the finger at the legislative branch. The legislative branch is pointing the finger at the judicial branch, and church organizations are partnering with social scientist to qualify for federal funding to rebuild marriages. Where is the solution?
Dating relationships that lead to marriage is the fundamental social institution deeply rooted in all societies. To uphold and defend the institution of marriage, we must place emphasis on the truth. The institution of marriage should not be built on the traditional foundation of the past. The institution of marriage must be built on a strong foundation representing truth, sincerity, sacrifice, and cooperation, mutually putting our desires and opinions to bay.
Individuals who enter a dating relationship or marriage with opposing objectives, which are to fulfill their own desires, will have a failed dating relationship or marriage. Both participants must understand that individual desires and opinions are the furthest from the truth. The truth is what exists at the moment, or an incident that occurred in the past. The truth is not what one may think is going to happen in the future, nor is it what one may believe should have or could have happened. Falsehood, seeking to fulfill individual desires, and imposing one’s opinions on another are destructive ingredients for all relationships and marriages.
It is time for us to face the truth and to adopt a different posture when seeking a dating partner or a marriage companion. We must change our perspective and evaluate why living together in harmony is such a momentous task. We then must apply the true meaning of love and togetherness and then we can begin to live happily ever after!
Tags: dating relationships, Divorce, divorce counseling, divorce rate, marriage separations, marriages, online dating, relationship counseling
